Everyone should write a blog. But write it completely honestly. Why? Because every flaw you choose not to share with others is another flaw that you actually have in reality, but are uncomfortable with. You are afraid of what that other person will think about that thing. In essence, you are controlled by that thing. You aren’t doing what you want. You are doing what you think others would want from you.
Here’s the interesting thing about that. Everyone does the same thing. Everyone has flaws and they hide them, and thus are controlled by them. I want to walk you through a situation. A guy is balding. He started losing his hair a few months ago and he hates it. He is afraid of showing this bald head to others, so he wears a cap. Does that make him not bald? No, he is still cue-ball, shining bald.
A kid walks by and he just has no tact. He tells the man, “Hey, you’re bald!” Now, this guy is wearing a cap to cover his baldness, how do you think he will react? Probably in anger, right? “Pesky kid, who taught you your manners!” *SMACK* But the reality is, he is bald. The kid’s words didn’t change that. He just exposed something that was true that he wasn’t comfortable with. Imagine the same man walking around. This time he has fully accepted his baldness. He wears no cap. The same kid walks up and yells, “Hey, you’re bald!” How would the man react? That man will laugh and say, “That’s right, kid. I am.” He is no longer controlled by his fear of what people will think of his baldness. He is free. (And everyone else now feels free to talk about it after he reveals he doesn’t care.)
A blog (or perhaps Facebook post) is an excellent way to tell everyone who you are, flaws included at once, and then you just let it sit there. Now you have to go through the excruciating process of coming to terms with what you just said. After you have come to terms with it (Day 6 will help you here), you are absolutely free from that flaw. You know deep inside that flaw is true, it is reality. You have quieted your self-critical voice. This takes time and it is uncomfortable. You have spent your whole life hiding this thing, but I am so sure that if you are patient and endure the pain of exposure, you will emerge free from that expectation. I say “that expectation” because it isn’t your only one. But you can start with one. Like the name of my blog implies, this can’t happen all at once. You are human, you can only take so much change and so much pain.
Perhaps you admit one flaw today. Let it eat away at you. I promise you that after one or two long, horrible days, you will come to terms with it. You will be free.
(In my case, the first thing I admitted was I don’t know everything, I don’t have to be smart, I need help. It was hard at first to come to terms with that, but after I was comfortable with that fact, I was able to ask questions and suggest ideas freely. I didn’t have anything to prove.)
As an aside, that self-critical voice in your head? It’s not you. It is the voice of every person you have ever met around you, telling you how you should be. Think back to when you were a kid. You wanted an ice cream cone. Why? “‘Cause.” You wanted to act like Batman. Why? “‘Cause it’s fun.” If there is any reason for doing something that doesn’t eventually end up at “because I want to”, then you aren’t living for yourself. You are living up to others’ expectations.
I’m going to take the first step here and list out a few things I haven’t admitted to yet so I can be free from them.
- I masturbate, and yes I am terrified of everyone knowing that. Even though everyone fucking does it. I mean, what is that about? There’s a whole multi-million-dollar industry that is built around that need. Porn. And yet, everyone walks around refusing to admit that they do. Interestingly enough, the people that are the most comfortable admitting this are people in porn. Hmm, I wonder why? I’ll tell you why. They’ve had to come to terms with the fact that they do it. They had to, or they wouldn’t be able to do their jobs. (They also came to terms with being naked in public. Something I know I can’t do right now.)
- I don’t actively believe in God. This isn’t a knee-jerk belief. I once believed, I explored and thought long and hard about it and came to the conclusion that I do not want to believe. I am completely open to talking about any opinions and thoughts about this.
- I swear a lot, but you already knew that. I have this feeling that my family always knew I swore, but liked to believe I didn’t for years. I haven’t sworn around them yet. I should.
- Did I tell you I am socially awkward? It’s amazing being able to say it now because case-in-point, I am completely fine with that now. I wasn’t on Day 8. That was one long painful day where I exposed that and now I’m free to be socially awkward all I want. I’m free to talk to anyone because I know I am socially awkward. Tell me something I don’t know. Expose it. Be free.
There are more things I want to admit so I can be free, but I’ll start there. Keep the pain small.
Time: 26 minutes, 17 seconds
-About life and how to live.
-Teased apart a regex to see what it really does
-About 3 comments?
P.S. If you felt inspired by this post and you really want to post that blog, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it, you can tell me your flaw first. I’d love to talk with you, grab a coffee or beer. Send me a private message somehow. Small steps. Let’s get in touch with reality. You know what? Here’s an email you can send things to: email@example.com. I need to find something more anonymous so you can reach out even more easily.